A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
