Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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