We won't sleep together?
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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