I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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