Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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