i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
