Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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