last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
My pussy is not your playground.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
