You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
