Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
