Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
