This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
