I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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