I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
