We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Then you guys just all showered together...?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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