Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
