We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
