i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
