He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
