I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
