Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
