She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
