Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Randomize
