So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
