im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
