Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
