I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
