now i know why i became what i already was.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
