SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
