Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
