omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Randomize
