I'd wear matching sweaters with you
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
