Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
