I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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