that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
