My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
