Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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