i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
