I swear she didn't look like that last week.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
