Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
