do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
