Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
