hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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