..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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