"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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