I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
