Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
