i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
