Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
