my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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