Just cropdusted the office
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I party with great urgency now.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
