I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
